Surely you're on the edge of your seat for Saturday's NFL Draft. Whether you're boozing or just telling yourself, "this year is the year!", the draft always has a lot of surprises. To ruin that for you, here is the full-proof projection of what a few teams will do with their picks.

1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long, OT, Michigan
What better addition to a loser team than a perennial loser?

3. Atlanta Falcons - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
He will be a better QB than Vick ever was.

4. Oakland Raiders - Chris Long, DE, Virginia
The Raiders will try to relive the glory days, but once they realize Howie's son will never live up to his dad's numbers, they'll shrink back into real life.

6. New York Jets - Branden Albert, OL, Virginia
No matter who they pick here, the fans will boo. With nothing to play for next year (they're in the Patriots division), Jets take solace in having the best offensive line in the country.

7. New England Patriots - Keith Rivers, OLB, USC
Doesn't seem fair, does it? Well that's why they call NE cheaters. Rivers gives the Patriots 20 linebackers, which is how Belichick likes it.

9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
After bombing the Shaun Rogers trade, Bengals compensate by taking a player that no one expects to turn into an inmate.

13. Carolina Panthers - Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
Don't you feel bad for David Carr? The moment he leaves a team they actually get an OLine that can protect.

16. Arizona Cardinals - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
The Cardinals will need all the help they can get to protect a hungover Leinart.

22. Dallas Cowboys - Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas
After dealing for Pacman, the Cowboys will need a pothead to counterbalance his party mentality.

28. Dallas Cowboys - DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
To counteract the strip club enthusiast and the pothead, the Cowboys will need an egotistical WR that thinks he is the **** (other than TO).

31. New York Giants - Pass
Still laughing from their Super Bowl win, the Giants forget to pick.