Pilot Inspektor is my personal favorite. My sister’s is Audio Science.

What am I talking about? Celebrity baby names, of course.

With the recent birth of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s baby boy, Bronx Mowgli, I thought baby names would be an interesting research topic. My mom thinks Simpson wanted to name her son Bronx to keep up with Victoria and David Beckham, who named their son Brooklyn. I think it’s something to do with the fact that the Simpsons are from Texas and Pete Wentz is always trying to be cool.

But Mowgli? Where did this name come from? Flashbacks from “The Jungle Book” anyone? I mean, how do people think they can send off their child to school with the name Bronx Mowgli? At least Mowgli is the middle name, and he can get by with Bronx. Lots of people have goofy middle names, I guess.

Babynames.com says that celebrities are often “artists,” and these artists are creative. Therefore, celebrities often want creative and unique names for their children. They don’t want to name their children Mary and Joe but instead want to give them names like Zowie Bowie, David Bowie’s child.

More of my favorites include the children of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates: Fifi-Trixabelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Little Pixie. So these people hate their children? I mean, Fifi-Trixabelle? Hyphenated?

Now, I’m not saying that all parents need to go the route my parents took: traditional, Irish-Catholic names (Catherine Marie, Michael Joseph, and Mary Elizabeth…typical!). But I do think that people need to start learning to respect the playground politics a little better. These kids are going to be annihilated on the school front. Okay, like, “Hi, my name is Audio Science?” I don’t think little Audio Science is going to live through junior high. Really.

So although I like a bit of individuality for people, I don’t really see how naming a child Mowgli is going to help him grow up to be a strong, independent person. But, hey, congratulations, Ashlee and Pete Wentz! Don’t be offended that we’re all placing bets on when little Mowgli will go into rehab…