Fat Dons: A-
Barbecued classics are abundant and pretty tasty, with huge portions to fill you up quickly. The desserts are the best part of the binge fest: you must consume jumbo chocolate chip cookies, cartons of ice cream and brownies in order to claim the full experience. Get there early to avoid the rush and score a table with people you actually know. But don’t plan on showing up unless you have baggies for smuggling steaks or cookies in.

Cracked Egg Café: D-
Hit or miss, but usually a miss. Every Tuesday night, a collection of leftover breakfast food is reheated and served for dinner. The chocolate chip pancakes are edible, but the bulk of the food is unappetizing and stale. Cracked Egg is the probably worst dining hall idea around.

Soul Ingredient: Racist?
Soul Ingredient and Soul Food Night features Southern-style foods like fried chicken and cornbread. This dinner of “accommodating” southern tradition is mediocre at best, but come anyway! You’ll leave feeling uneasy about why this event exists.

Despite UIUC advertising pictures of shish kebabs on its website, none ever seem to have been on the menu...