The fact that you're clicking through the course while double-fisting margaritas isn't irony -- it's the reason you have to take the damn thing in the first place. And no, you're not the first person to think of doing it. Save yourself from being the millionth person to point out the quasi-irony in a vapid facebook status update (with or without accompanying douchetastic picture.)

Other trite status updates to avoid: "Eddie Emo is asleep on a sunbeam" -- or any other indie pop lyrics. "Freddie Frat is does this rag smell like choloform to you?" "Susie Skank is wishing you were her Spanish homework so she'd be doing you on her desk right now."

And ladies, any references to "my two favorite men -- Ben and Jerry!" are punishable by account deactivation. Especially if your mini-feed shows you're newly single. For shame.