Fraternity rush and pledge weeks are upon us, where freshmen boys will soon submit to bro-hood and learn valuable life lessons. The following tips are likely unknown to most kids trying to get their game on.

1. Never, in any context is it acceptable to start a conversation with, “So…what’s your major?” You are just straight-up boring. This is the ultimate party foul question, leaving the target to feel nothing but nauseous. Someone who averts eye contact and walks away is not interested. You should give up.

2. Freshmen, don’t approach older girls. You will be made a fool. You look like you’re 12, and we have nothing to talk about.

3. Girls are not fish; you can’t use Bacardi-Razz as bait to reel them into your frat house. Hard alcohol is not a delicacy, and most girls readily have some in stock. And regardless of your supply, the driving principle of this is disgusting and will get you nowhere. We pity you; you have been poisoned by the system.