The Large Hadron Collider is On, We're All Still Here

Well, the world didn't end. I just lost $20.

 

The atom smashing, black hole spewing, 27-km long particle accelerator has finally been turned on. It didn't end existence as we know it and it also didn't break so we're not going to be sitting around for years waiting for it to get fixed. Scientists and researches shot a bunch of protons around the ring, registering a fuzzy dot on a monitor, which is apparently a great success.

 

The world-altering particle smashign won't fully get going until around the year or so, which means that there's plenty of time for you to go skydiving or tell Chrissy Matthews from high school that you've always loved her. It's kind of like Y2K, but the odds that something catastrophic is actually going to happen are even lower, right scientists?

 

"Our standard odds are 1,000,000/1, but anyone wanting longer or shorter odds is at liberty to take them. A number of customers took us up; on our offer and have bet that the world will end as a result of the Large Hadron Collider experiment."

 

Oh million to one odds huh? Well, I'd feel a little better if they said there was NO chance that the world was going to end, but whatever. And the scientists are already cashing in on their faith in the LHC.

 

"Meanwhile, William Hill celebrated Man's continued existence. It had taken £119 from punters willing to bet that September 10 2008 would see the end of the world."

 

Yeah and $20 of that is mine douchebag. Stephen Hawking also has a bet going for $100 that once they start mashing things up, they won't find the Higgs boson (or "God particle") in the LHC. And when Stephen Hawking bets something, you know he's deadly serious.

 

Stay tuned for more updates. If the world does end, I'm using the LHC to go back in time to say "I told you so."

 

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Anonymous
I love pofit Posted 09/10/2008 09:26 AMReply
Anonymous
There is a leaked video on You Tube from CERN (LHC Black hole simulation Large Hadron Collider CERN) there is more to this than meets the eye, the black hole is not the concern, it is the revelation that may shatter our perception of reality.

The link is on http://godparticle.net which has insight into the revelation. Do you really think they would spend 6 billion dollars just to find a particle? The truth is related to energy, the ability to turn mass on and off, and the revelation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFYlbsTlCk0
Posted 09/10/2008 10:16 AMReply
Anonymous
at least the experiment led to some excellent t-shirt parodies:

http://fiendfolio.blogspot.com/2008/09/are-you-ready-for-impending-apocalypse.html
Posted 09/10/2008 11:57 AMReply
Anonymous
UMM.. Just because they turned ON the LHC, doesn't mean that they started smashing the particles together yet! If anyone read the news articles, all the LHC did was shot a beam all the way around to make sure IT WORKS... They never tried to do what it's supposed to do yet!
Don't stop spending your life savings - we're not out of the woods yet people...
Posted 09/10/2008 3:59 PMReply
Anonymous
Did you see the movie "Contact"? I hope we can meet some aliens with this wacky contraption Posted 09/10/2008 6:41 PMReply
Anonymous
Black holes are everywhere in the universe, they are the result of civilizations creating high-energy atom smashers.
Is it really so smart to smash atoms together like an ape cracking open an egg to see what's inside, only to create a black hole and suck in the entire galaxy. (Yes, that's what is going to happen). Do you really think the scientists fully understand gravity, let alone, know what's going to happen with this primitive abomination of a contraption they are tinkering with.
Posted 09/10/2008 11:32 PMReply
Anonymous
Don't worry everyone! In order to create the big bang, conditions have to exist that make it like the pre-universe before the big bang happened! AND.....Only GOD can do that. Physicist have only been looking at the speck on GOD's toe for the last 100 years. The worst that can happen is they create a fusion or fission explosion then we don't have to worry about them doing this for sometime afterwards! Posted 09/10/2008 11:38 PMReply

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