Surprise! Men's basketball coach Ben Braun has been fired after twelve years at Cal. He leaves with an overall record of 219-154 and five NCAA Tournament appearances, but only one in the past five seasons after winning the NIT Tournament in 1999. Names of possible replacements include TV Analyst and ex-head coach of UCLA Steve Lavin, former Sacramento Kings coach Eric Musselman, and current Saint Mary's coach Randy Bennett.

In the meantime, the Associated Press says that, "According to terms of the most recent contract extension that went through the 2010-11 season, Braun is due a $985,000 buyout."

Come again?

This startling news has forced me to reevaluate my plans for the future. New life goals:
1. Become a coach.
2. Get fired before contract ends.
3. Get paid $985,000 for sucking.

But first I'll have to perfect my maniacal laugh.