An article in today's Emerald featured hilarious (and accurate) advice to freshmen; here are the Emerald's "5 Things You Must Know," with commentary on each.

1. The Freshman 15 Is A Very Real Threat: Real threat? Sure. Pre-determined certainty some people make it out to be? Hell no. If you eat right and exercise, guess what? You won't get fat!

2. Popularity Points Are Recalibrated: Everyone gets a fresh start, and those things that were cool in high school aren't cool anymore. Probably because they were really lame in the first place..

3. Guys Are Hornier Than They've Ever Been: Yup, probably true. But don't forget the effect drinking a tremendous amount of beer will have on the old libido. At least its not awkward-horny, like junior high.

4. Bikes Or Skateboards Are The Way To Go: Lots of people have never touched a bike or skateboard in college. Some students do, but most don't. The bus works out just fine.

5. Get Used To PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon beer): PBR is the worst beer ever. No matter how broke and desperate they may be, some students won't resort to PBR. An alternative is Keystone Light, although some would argue that's just as bad.