Tired of getting all our athletic gear from Nike, a company that uses child slave labor, the University has signed new athletic supply contracts with Adidas, a company that better covers up their use of child slave labor. This couldn't have come at a better time as the University is clearly low on athletic department funds.

"We believe the new partnership is one of the strongest in college sports," added U-M Athletics Chief Financial Officer Jason Winters. "Funding from the new agreement will provide added resources to our long term facility renewal plan."

Long term facility renewal plan? The first time I read that I thought it said "faculty renewal plan" and I got very excited at the prospect of building a cybernetic Lloyd Carr who will coach us far into the 23rd century. However, the actual plan is probably more along the lines of installing luxury boxes at the soccer field, baseball diamond, lacrosse field and volleyball courts. Just because other sports get less attention doesn't mean that rich alumni should have to sit with the wretched underclass known as "students."