Everyone knows those Princeton Review college ranking stuff is a bunch of, as the kids say, bologna. I mean they gave our dining halls a “D!” Listen up College Ranking-Ass Face Ltd., we like our country fried steak soggy and our vegetarian options nonexistent.

That being said, this whole global campus (uigc.uillinois.edu) thing, with all its Kubrick Monolith swagger, shouldn't really affect the worth of our degrees, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t totally ridiculous.

President B.J. White and friends put out a press release outlining their Global Campus plan. The whole things seems a little “get your locksmithing degree in under 6 months,” but as long as they avoid an art school application that looks like the picture above. Hopefully reputation and credibility will remain intact, although that friendly turtle seems like a lot of fun in a Fat Albert and the Junkyard Gang kind of way.

Also offered in January 2008 will be a BS in nursing and two certificates in online learning. The nursing degree is now online because of “the high demand for the bachelor's degree in nursing because of a nationwide nursing shortage.” That’s great, I really want someone who wasn’t motivated enough to become a nurse until he/she could get a degree in between World of Warcraft sessions. Before we know it, the first question we could hear when entering an emergency room will be, “How much pain are you in from a scale of 1 to pwned?”