I was highly amused yesterday when it was brought to my attention that you decided to write your very first article for the Michigan Review about me, Ahor and OTR. I’ve been attacked an endless amount of times for my work on OTR, but mostly through anonymous e-mails or bitchy Facebook messages. Never through a medium as influential and widely read as the Michigan Review.

Just kidding. Ahor was right, “news travels slowly when no one gives a shit.” To my readers out there, for those of you who don’t know (which I’m guessing is 98% of you), the Michigan Review is a kind of conservative version of the Michigan Daily and is about as credible as the Every Three Weekly. You may have noticed it sitting in massive stacks next to empty Michigan Daily bins, because no one actually reads it. Brittani, I would advise not to settle for an organization that doesn’t really care about “good reporting” or “having readership.” If you want, I can make some calls at the Daily, maybe put in a good word for you.

But enough bashing of the Review, let me start dissecting your stunningly flawed and poorly researched argument against me. Let’s take this passage:

The worst result of "The List" is that it actually does influence freshman during recruitment. The inherent flaw is that every house is different. Someone looking for a sorority like Tri Delta may not be looking for one like Kappa Alpha Theta, and vice versa. Likewise for fraternities, someone rushing Alpha Epsilon Pi may not be interested in Sigma Alpha Epsilon.

Wait, wait, sororities and fraternities are different from each other? I had no idea! I forgot that I only wrote two posts: “Sororities” and “Fraternities” with one word summaries of each being “bitchy” and “douchey” respectively. In order to write an “investigative report” it would help to have actually researched what you’re talking about. I’ve written individual reviews of each house, and hardly any two resemble each other at all.

Then there’s this:

Choosing a house is all about where you feel comfortable, not who he likes the most (or the girls he wishes he got and the guys he wishes he was friends with).

Ah yes, the tried and untrue argument that rushing is all about what’s the “best fit” for you and is totally not at all about rank or popularity or any of that. Bullshit. Everyone knows that’s not how it works, which is why when I write a post ranking the new pledge classes, the article gets 30,000 page views in two days, (you touched on this post briefly and completely inaccurately in your article, I wrote it, not Ahor, and it was not based on votes). Greek life is more about superficiality than it is about charity work or sisterhood or any of that, and if that wasn’t true, my site wouldn’t exist.

But what really prompted me to write this response to your piece was the fact that you, Brittani Kagan, felt the need to attack me personally and publically, portraying me as a jealous, friend-less, girl-less loser sitting behind a computer screen. It would be juvenile for me to take this opportunity to list off my friends in “top frats” or the girls I’ve dated in “top sororities,” so I won’t. Just realize that using a line like that makes you look like an exceptionally arrogant, shallow young girl, implying that it would be some high honor for me to date you or your friends because you’re in *Kappa*

(…)

See that? That’s me, sitting in revered silence while reflecting on your greatness. And yes, I know you’re in Kappa Brittani, and though you rail against how unfair it is to stereotype the Greek system, if you’re not brunette, Jewish, rich or bitchy, I’ll eat my computer monitor. And I already know I’ve got at least two out of four right.

Lastly, if your argument is that I’m jealous of Greeks which is why I attack them, then what does it say when you write about me? Clearly you want to be some sort of journalist getting your opinion heard if you’re writing for a student paper. Does this have anything to do with the fact that on any given day OTR gets more readers than the Review does in a month? Hmm. Well at least Ahor and I have increased your site traffic by 1000% the last two days.

So I wanted to write this as a one-to-one response (I'm not going to make this me vs. Kappa). You called me out by name, so I’ll call you out by name too. The only thing is, I get to put your name in my headline, and OTR has quite a high Google page rank. Now don’t go contacting me telling me to take this post down, because I’ve said nothing about you that rivals your personal attacks on me. I’m merely pointing out your misguided reporting and your attitude that you might want to correct if you ever want to be taken seriously.

Forever Yours,

JQ