Stupid Studies at MU: Volume 3.

A team of MU psychologists, who have the nervy wobbly bits to call themselves "researchers," just completed a study which shows that students who have fake IDs tend to drink more than students who don't. Quite a sound point, I think. A quote:

"The biggest finding is that having a fake ID is a risk factor for additional drinking," said Kenneth J. Sher, professor of clinical psychology.

Clearly these professors aren't taking their jobs seriously, so I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Come fall semester, I will walk into my first class wearing nothing but a raccoon fur hat, take out a copy of "Green Eggs and Ham," and begin reading. And when my "professor" asks me what I'm doing, I will respond: "Learning about the mating habits of crumple-horned snorcacks" and fart.

Where is TITUS BLACKMON with his triton when I need him...