It’s more like a bear in wolves' clothing, but I couldn’t find a picture.

I hate SAE. Let’s not mince words. Normally I’ll poke fun at a frat for tilting their hats at odd angles or their love of color-coordinating but trust me, I’ve been being nice. Not today.

SAE will never, ever get kicked off campus. Even if they killed a pledge (which is entirely possibly in their ridiculous year-long pledge term) they’d probably just be told to double their Greek Week earnings to call it even. Sigma Alpha Epsilon has such a long history here I’m pretty sure their giant medieval castle was the house Mr. Arbor built for his wife Ann two-hundred some years ago. That may not be true, but SAE is the biggest, richest most powerful house on campus. And don’t they know it.

Sure there’s just general ****rly like making pledges chug microwaved beer. And of course the mudbowl game they host every year where they face off against another frat which literally has to limp on the field to play them. And while I'm sure not every brother is bad, when describing SAE I find it hard to resist combining terms like “meat” with “head” or “douche” with “bag” because it’s all just too easy. SAE is more than that.

The real reason I hate SAE are the stories, all of which are told by females and begin with “So I started drinking jungle juice…” and end with “…and then I woke up naked.” The middle? There is no middle. Because they don’t remember it. I’ve heard this same story repeated to me by three different girls in reference to an SAE event and why no one's in jail is beyond me. Maybe money can make any problem go away.

Like Beta before them, SAE should be the next group of ****s to get kicked off campus. But they never will and houses like Theta Chi and Phi Psi will inevitably fall before them. It's a shame that SAE is viewed with such mystical reverence by some, a perspective I will never understand or share. Greek life can produce some of our best here at U of M, but you can sure as hell believe it breeds the worst as well.

Campus rep: 10/10

Douche factor: 46/10