“I feel betrayed,” said Mizzou sophomore Jenna Hirschbach, “I mean, it was always so mellow, I thought that’s just what being mellow was all about. I never thought to stop and listen to it. Man! I was caught up in the mellow-ness, you know. I was just having such a mellow time.”

Ms. Hirschbach was noticeably stoned, but her disgust at the revelation that Mr. Johnson, who first garnered notice for his 2001 album Brushfire Fairytales, has since been repeating the same basic musical arrangement was well registered nonetheless.

“We believe Mr. Johnson’s stroke of genius was in assigning his ‘songs’ different names,” said Nick Warner, chairman of the International Committee to Uncover Phonies, (ICUP)* “This confused many of his fans into believing they were hearing unique melodies… or maybe they just weren’t paying attention, we don’t really know.”

Mr. Warner added that the effect of marijuana on the memory may also have played a part in Johnson’s rise to fame, as many of his fans are known to believe the drug enhances the “mellow” qualities of his music.

It is yet to be determined whether Mr. Johnson, who is the most commonly listed “favorite musical artist” on the Mizzou facebook network, will recover from the incriminating revelation.

Previous studies by the ICUP have exposed artists such as the Goo Goo Dolls, Air Supply, and Limp Bizkit – all of which are now bereft of any sense of dignity or self-worth.

When contacted for comment, a source close within the Jackson camp described the singer as “devastated” at the prospect of having to write new material.

“Jack is having a really hard time coming to grips with the results of the study,” the source said, “He believes there to be nothing less mellow than doing more work.”

* No, I am not above this joke.

(Men in suits: this is satire.)