There are many things freshman will try to wear to be funny, anti-establishment or highly intellectual. But as upperclassmen have learned throughout the years, if you have to try to be something, you are in fact, not that thing. And if you buy any of these shirts, they all come with a coupon for a free punch in the face, courtesy of me.

The "College" Shirt - You know exactly which one this is without clicking on the link. Yes, the one from Animal House, yes, the one John Belushi wears in the poster that you should not have in your dorm room. You may think it's funny, but it won't be when you see ten other dumbass freshman wearing it the first night of Welcome Week.

The "Che" Shirt - Seriously, have you not gotten the memo yet that it is no longer cool to wear this guy's face on your chest? No one cares how many times you saw Motorcycle Diaries, that does not give you license to wear this shirt. And it's not because he may or may not be responsible for the deaths of thousands of people, it's because you look like a hipster idiot.

Blatant Sexual Innuendo Shirts - These shirts used to be subtle and sometimes even clever. Now however, they've regressed into phrases like "Spitters are Quitters" and "I Spoon For Poon." Save yourself $22.95 and just use permanent marker to write "Please Have Sex With Me!" on an old white t-shirt.  Maybe at least you'll get points for honesty instead of being a cocky, unfunny douchebag.

Annoying/Creepy Phrase Shirts - You've all seen these, the ones that say things like "I See Dumb People" or "My Mind Wandered and Now I Can't Find It." These shirts scream homeschooling and/or a severe personality disorder. And they always seem to be worn in size double XL, to maximize the hilarity no doubt.

Shirts From Other Schools - What? You didn't get into Harvard? Then why are you walking around campus wearing their t-shirt? Nobody cares if your friend goes there, if both your parents have degrees from there or if the school was founded by your great-grandfather, the only college merchandise you should be wearing is Michigan. End of discussion.