Hey guess what? I do write about other things besides Greek life and football. You may have seen my first list here, which were rules for general college t-shirt attire, but now I'm specifying Umich swag that's misused and abused on campus. These are the U of M shirts you're not allowed to wear:

The "Fire Lloyd" Shirt - Yeah, if you bought one of these, I bet you feel like an idiot now don't you? When I first saw these, I wanted to rip them down and burn them. I did write an editorial about the merits of motivating our team with negative feedback, but these shirts are bullshit. Never, ever be spotted wearing this or you might die. It's possible

Gameday Shirts Not on Gameday - Since we're on the topic of football, do not wear your student section shirt on any day that isn't a gameday while the season is still in session. You look like a douche. What, you really don't have any other clothes you can wear the other six days of the week? Come on.

"Dorm" Shirts - If you wear a shirt that says "West Quad is the Best Quad" or "Markley Does it on the Hill" even I will call you a GDI and throw a beer can at you. Seriously, there is probably no lamer maize and blue shirt you can wear. We know you're a freshman, no need to amplify the reasons to hate you.

Michigan "Major" Shirts - This one was questionable for me, but I'm putting it on the banned list. If you walk around wearing a "Michigan Business" shirt, you're clearly a cocky douche. If you wear a "Michigan Pre-Med" shirt, you clearly study way too much. And if you wear a "Michigan Undecided" shirt, you're clearly a tool who thinks they're being ironic. Although they do make the "what's your major?" pickup line obsolete.

Just go to Steve and Barry's, spend $30 and pick up five shirts that aren't any of these, it's not hard. They say things like, "Michigan Football" or "Go Blue." Revolutionary. Now get out there and don't be lame.