The GW Hatchet has published a list of their favorite university police incidents from the past academic year, making light of everything from drug use to assault.

Finally, The Hatchet is writing something compelling.

One notable event reads:

"11/10/06 - Thurston Hall - 3:14 a.m. - case closed
A female student reported that someone knocked on her door. When she opened the door, an unknown male subject yelled 'happy birthday' and hit her with a chunk of dry ice. The student denied further medical treatment, but she did sustain bruises."

Oh Thurston! As usual the The Hatchet leaves out the most important details like, was it actually her birthday? Where did he get the dry ice? And how big exactly is "a chunk"?