The front lines of the War on Stupidity

Posted by Wolverine in Sparta 04/20/2008 11:07 AM

Tags: vasectomy, stupid, gene pool, facebook, pet rock

Trying to teach the kid I tutor geometry is like trying to teach my pet rock to play Dance Dance Revolution. It just isn’t going to happen, and even if it did some Asian kid is going to be way better than him anyway. By the way, yes, I do have a pet rock, and his name is “Mittens.” But I digress; the issue to be addressed here is the massive epidemic of stupidity that has infected this country and most notably our youth. After my “student” reeled off these nuggets of wisdom I lost all hope in the human race:

“I don’t understand what zero means” (after being unable to add 0 to another number)

“I can’t square this number; this calculator doesn’t have a squared button”

“I don’t understand how to find the length of a line”

(Sadly, these are not made up; I don’t think my mind can even imagine **** this stupid)

At this point I want to take out Mittens, smash the kid over the head with him, and leave to go home to cuddle/cry with Mittens (he always makes me feel better, damn I love that rock). Does that make me a bad person, or just a bad tutor?

It’s not that I feel like stupid people need to die, I just feel like they shouldn’t be able to reproduce.

College students are not immune to this epidemic. Fortunately most college kids provide enough information about themselves online to decide whether or not they are worthy of procreation. Facebook is a great way to identify people that need to be displaced from the gene pool. For example, any member of the group pop vs. soda needs to be sterilized.

“Holy ****, I didn’t realize that people from different geographic areas used different words to refer to the same thing? OMG you call the water fountain a bubbler!! I love college!!”

You have got to be ****ing kidding me. If you do not understand what a regional dialect is you do not belong in college. I will give you a shovel, and you can go dig a ditch or shine my shoes or something, but your mere presence in an academic institution is appalling and it makes baby Jesus cry. We don’t need to kill these people, but we cannot allow them to have children. Every night I pray for a gun that shoots vasectomies.

Comments

Anonymous says,

so is this blog turning into the rant section of craigslist now? i mean what the hell does this have to do with anything Michigan? Posted 04/20/2008 11:41 AMReply

Anonymous says,

^^^^^^yea i'm gonna have to agree... this wasn't really relevant to anything i might be even slightly interested in. to bad that vasectomy gun wasn't available before you were concieved. you are pretty awesome for making fun of a little kid that is trying to become better at math. Posted 04/20/2008 12:20 PMReply

Anonymous says,

TOO* bad that vasectomy gun wasn't available before you were conceived. Posted 04/20/2008 1:05 PMReply

Anonymous says,

"I don't understand what zero means" is actually a pretty good question. The kid is thinking abstractly.

If you've ever taken Math 412 at UofM, it's pretty neat to see all the different ways that 0 behaves in different rings. I hope you keep your patience with the kid; no need to add him to the list of people who hate math. Posted 04/20/2008 1:23 PMReply

Anonymous says,

you are not smart, you are privileged... if you were smart you would realize how 99 percent of your "intelligence" is a direct result from the fact your parents cared about your education enough to put you in a school that had quality teachers, and the fact that your life was simple enough that you could concentrate at school enough to get you to this college. Some people come from a family where the parents do not encourage their kids, where their life is complicated and stressful in a way that makes education not a priority. You are not smart, you were given many opportunities that your kid probably didn't have, and unfortunately, it looks like you are not even using them. Oh well, maybe you just posted this to piss people off, and I guess it will probably work. Thanks for doing this school proud... Posted 04/20/2008 1:48 PMReply

Anonymous says,

It's attitudes like these that turn students off to learning in the first place.

If you are their tutor, and YOU don't even believe in them, how are the kids supposed to believe in themselves? Those questions aren't dumb--there was surely a time when all of us didn't understand what zero meant. Posted 04/20/2008 2:26 PMReply

Anonymous says,

From Wikipedia, "Records show that the ancient Greeks seemed unsure about the status of zero as a number. They asked themselves, "How can nothing be something?", leading to philosophical and, by the Medieval period, religious arguments about the nature and existence of zero and the vacuum. The paradoxes of Zeno of Elea depend in large part on the uncertain interpretation of zero."

So suck on that! Posted 04/20/2008 2:56 PMReply

Anonymous says,

Okay, so I counted about 5 totally "original" and "witty" pop culture phrases in this post. Why do Will Ferrell movies have to be the basis for everything these hipster retards type and/or say? Posted 04/20/2008 7:32 PMReply