I need a break from studying for midterms so I'm bringing back the old "What Umich is Doing" segment which is my excuse to talk about whatever I want. I know a lot of you hate these cause "no one gives a shit about your life JQ" but whatever, I do what I want. And dear Lord this movie was bad.

At the Q-16:

Johnny Quest: That's the worst movie I've seen all year.
Sensible Friend: Well at least it's only February.
Dumbass Friend: What are you talking about?  I thought it was good.
JQ: Why would you possibly think that?
DF: I mean there was teleporting, and it was filmed in Ann Arbor
JQ: Yeah that half-second shot of State Street was really moving.
SF: The movie is one gigantic plot hole.
DF: What?
JQ: Like why don't they just teleport, grab the people chasing them, teleport a hundred feet in the air, and drop them?
SF: Or I don't know, teleport behind them with a gun instead of a goddamn flamethrower?
DF: Well...
JQ: And how do you just get straight up thrown into a web of power lines without dying?
SF: And why was Samuel L. Jackson's hair glowing in the dark?
DF: You guys are over thinking this.
JQ: Oh and the first thing I think of when I'm getting chased by white-haired maniacs is "Oh yeah, I forgot I'm in love with that girl who thinks I died in high school. Time to teleport back to Ann Arbor after dicking around for eight years."
SF: And as that girl, I think, "Hey, you're not dead? Instead of acting remotely relieved or surprised I'll just playfully flirt with you. Oh and sure I'll fly to Rome with you, give me ten minutes to find someone to cover my shift."
JQ: This movie also confirmed my theory that Hayden Christensen is a robot.
DF: I'm never seeing a movie with you guys again.

Don't go see this. It's already number one at the box office which is probably already enough to greenlight a sequel. But trust me, the world does not need to see Jumper 2 with Hayden Christensen eating lunch on the Statue of Liberty's cleavage. We get it. He can teleport. Awesome.