In a hilarious juxtaposition of Hollywood's ugliest blonde and its most attractive, Paris Hilton's Harvard parade on Wednesday was followed by a parade for Charlize Theron yesterday. Both were a mere 2 T-stops away receiving "Woman of the Year" awards, from the Harvard Lampoon and Hasty Pudding, respectively.

Don't worry, dear readers, we're just as confused as you are as to why either of these Monsters (ha, ha, get it?) deserves to be a Woman of the Year. Hilton — well, she was in a National Lampoon movie, which means she made the Harvard Lampoon some royalty money. Maybe it's enough to drown their shame at having named Paris ****ing Hilton Woman of the Year.

As for Charlize, the last movie she's released I've heard of was Aeon Flux, which should probably prevent her from ever winning any awards ever again. She is, however, really hot, which I guess merits being Woman of the Year. Coming up next week: Christopher Walken as Hasty Pudding's Man of the Year!