I've been fired! The economy is so awesome, I am so in love with the economy right now, it's a blast. Everyone enjoy economy! Whoo!

It has been truly a wild ride working for College On the Record Dot Com. I have learned all sorts of amazing things in my brief yet invigorating time here: People love racism, and people love breasts! I am truly sorry I did not post enough stories involving breasts, boobs, ta-tas, mammo-ramas, juggulas, bobblies, melons, mangos, teetans, totties, to-tos, tittles or sweater betterers, but there's just not that much breast happenings around the frigid, breastless state of Minnesota. Trust me, if we had more titty news coming out of this here state, I'd be on that immediately (in more ways than one!!!!!!), but sadly, i doubt your average Minnesotan would know a milk balloon from a hole in the wall! (Joke!)

I hope I've been able to educate and illuminate U of M patrons and those outside of Minnesota of all the things that don't happen around here. Yes, I was able to break the story about how great sex in public is Minnesota (we just received a 4 and a half star rating in Doin' It Monthly), but apparently it was more interesting when someone from Iowa told the story. People from Iowa just have that natural flare for garnering interest!

I've tried to present people with thoughtful, interesting commentary on the things I've stolen from other blogs. I've hoped to write in an interesting manner and give people a unique perspective on whatever it is I'd desperately scrambled together to fill my daily quota. It's been hard competing with the other fantastic writers on this blog and their photojournalistic depictions of people who have passed out and gotten written on, but in many ways, this is not a competition.  The journalists and scholars that populate this internet phenomenon are among the countries finest; I can't imagine where we would be if not for the fine pieces on girls who kiss each other dispassionately while drunk or the YouTube videos which contain half-naked celebrities with some tangential connection to a college. Truly, we have elevated the form to an art.

I'm glad I've been able to be a part of this establishment, most of all for the insightful commentary I've received from the devoted public. Your opinions concerning sexuality and those scary blacks have really opened my eyes and I'm glad I've been able to write for such an enlightened audience.  I hope one day I can return to a profession that requires constant Facebook spamming and has the post categories "Hot People" and "Partying" but not "Politics". I will look back on these days as the finest couple of weeks I've ever spent in front of the god damn computer spouting hack copy for dick money. Thank you for the memories.

Seriously though, thanks everyone for this opportunity...  Thanks especially to Paul Tassi, anyone writing for the Midwest and the entire OTR staff.  I enjoyed my time with this site and I am glad to have been able to contribute. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read what I wrote or contributed comments - except you racist pricks. Anyone who enjoyed these snarky stupid little posts of mine can check out more writing of mine for The Wake magazine, or at my personal blog, Super Happy Fun Time Awesome. Take care everyone, keep up in this tough times, and keep enjoying college as much as you can.  Farewell!

(boobs)