Do you feel socially awkward around women? Have you had more than your embarrassing share of blow offs and turn downs? Are you getting to know your right hand, a little too much? Men of UC Berkeley—fear no more! Keenahn and Jesse are here to teach you everything you need to know about approaching women. From “approaching women from behind” to “approaching women who are on their cell phones”, these two Berkeley grad students will guide you through a three day workshop for only $300!

Watch your studs in action (copied directly from their website):

Keenahn: Hey guys, how’s it goin’?
Girl: [completely serious] Much better before you showed up!
Keenahn: Hahaha, ouch! She’s a fiesty one! [turning to her friend] So who’s the nice one in your group?
Girl: She’s over there, at the other end of the bar.
Keenahn: [exaggeratedly doubtful] Hmmm, I don’t think she’s in your group.
Girl: Yeah she is, she’s the nice one.
Keenahn: Are you guys trying to get rid of me? [smiling] […]Alright, I’m gonna go tell her how mean you were to me.

It’s nearly endearing how they’ve mapped out the dating process to something resembling a computer science assignment (something they both know well). But then I remember that it’s these creepy ass ****ers that lean over the library table while I’m typin away at this blog and ask, with a wink, what speed my processor runs at.

Ugh. Next, please.