Classes are upon us. Well, not really. First, we all have to sit in a circle and introduce ourselves. It's the law.

Usually this is carried out in a simple 1. Name 2. Hometown 3. Major style. But there are a few professors who insist on going the extra mile, and transform the banal introduction process into a fun, diverting game format - to the enjoyment of all the merry soccer moms enrolled in English 1000.

To these spunky few profs I say this: What is this, the ****ing fourth grade?

My favorite is "Two Truths And A Lie," in which students say two true things and one false thing about themselves, and the rest of the class has to guess which is false.

Example: "Hi, my name is Jim, I'm from Chicago, I have two sisters, and I'm wanted for voluntary manslaughter in sixteen US states."

"You're not a murderer, you joker, that's false!"

"Actually, uhh, just the one sister."

(Terrified silence)