Thank you, sublimely content beer pong master of the Midwest, for posting your blog of insightful advice for all to see. Now we know what it truly means to have a beer gut in great states of Wisconsin, Wyoming, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio and - of course - Missouri!

Award winning work includes your sections "Midwestern Celebutards" (where you rag on celeb stupidness spawning from Midwestern roots), "ASK MO - The Midwest's #1 Advice Columnist" (where you offer articulate wisdom to those seeking it about anything from becoming a baby momma to dealing with Myspace idiots),  and "We're NOT lesbians, we're BFFs" (where you call out "barsexuals" and state the ultimate truth: that "it's not gay if it's your first time").

Thank you for helping those from outside these cornfields to adjust to their newfound Midwestern life. You've truly shown the way for those aspiring to be America's middle-country douche bags!