So this is a mug shot of Jack from 2003, when he pummeled the lead singer of the Von Bondies in a Detroit bar – probably because the guy asked if he could play bass for the Stripes.

But seriously, have you ever seen a better mug shot? I mean it looks like it could be in Esquire. He’s undressing me with his eyes – and I’m writing this naked.

He also helms what is by far the best American rock band out there right now – and with his ex-wife no less. I don’t plan on ever even speaking to my ex-wives, much less letting them ride my coattails to international superstardom.

So congratulations, Jack. You’ve made my list of men I would have hypothetical sex with – along with Barack Obama, Clive Owen, and Oprah Winfrey.

Feel honored.