2:00: Gather dirty clothing from all corners of room, pile into oversized trash bag.

2:05: Dodge condescending glances from rich students and their “laundry baskets” as you enter laundry room.

2:07: “Borrow” the Tide someone left on the machine next to you. Commence washing.

2:10: Reflect on inherent racism in the laundry institution: whites = hot; coloreds = cold; mixing whites and coloreds = chaos.

2:14: Return to room. Take nap.

4:37: Wake up. Bong hit. Cigarette. Subway Sandwich. Cigarette. Retrieve clothing.

4:56: Some **** has moved your shit. Throw tantrum in laundry room, pledging a lifelong curse on the children of the **** who moved your shit, and terrifying frizzy-haired redhead trying to do homework.

4:58: No open dryers. Tantrum #2, now cursing “genius engineer” who decided to put more washers than dryers in laundry room. Frizzy-haired redhead is apparently an engineering student, suggests it may not be engineer’s fault. Tantrum #3.

5:04: Move some ****’s shit. Dryers suddenly available!

5:35: Movie with girlfriend.

8:21: Return to laundry room, only to find your clothes scattered about the sidewalk outside. You suspect frizzy-haired redhead. But clothes are mostly dry; mission accomplished.