“Dude, it’s Friday night. You know Man vs. Wild is on; I can’t diss the Bear.”

“I thought I made this clear: I will dropkick your dying grandmother before I ever approach a dancefloor.”

“What year is the house wine?”

“I’d like to wake up without genital warts tomorrow morning.”

“Man, no matter what they tell you, the keg is always Natty Light.”

“Will there be hors d’oeuvres?”

“Eh, I’ve been meaning to do a full-scale wardrobe reorganization – I think tonight is the night.”

“I can’t, my raccoon has hepatitis.”