Want to learn how to defend yourself, ladies? Well... here's your chance! And you get a t-shirt, too! A free, fun, friendl----

Wait... you're not in a sorority? Forget it! Teach yourself how to fend off criminals. Shit. You're not wanted here.

Kappa Alpha Theta and Tri-Delt put on a self-defense workshop on Tuesday to help women-kind... women-kind that pay to be a part of women-kind, that is. So what signal does that send to the more than 70% of other females on Mizzou's campus? You're S-O-L. Find a karate instructor. Or get your beefy boyfriend to walk you to your car. And no, you can't have a self-defense t-shirt.