Hey kids! Wouldn't it be nice to be able get high from the comfort of your own dorm room, without setting off the smoke alarm or even the possibility of getting arrested? Well, there actually is a way (for the record: I’m not condoning drug use). New technology, known as I-Doser Simulations, “binaural brainwave doses for every imaginable mood,” allows you to achieve the same state as being high, drunk, or even completely sedated, by simply listening through your headphones, right from your own computer. The website is called Idoser.com, and they claim to be a scientifically proven and safe method to synchronize your brainwaves.

The catch is, you have to download and purchase these “Idoses,” and they expire. While the going rate is generally not more than $4.00, for let’s say, an orgasm (Certainly a lot cheaper, and less sketchy than getting a hooker). Some of the more popular ones are Peyote, which users claim to be the strongest and most effective, marijuana, orgasm, lucid dreams (this promises, if indulged right before bed, to give you intense dreams that you can even control).

If you download the system, register, and join the forum, you can get up to seven free doses. These are usually moderate. My roommate tried “opium,” while I tried the sedative “content.” We were required to lay down, relax and listen to the sounds through headphones for 30 minutes, and I must say, I did feel quite content.

So now, boys and girls, you can get that good old feeling of “crack” without the nasty addiction, and tooth decay. Try it for yourself, and see if it’s legit. Maybe this will even change the way we as a society do drugs. Who knows, maybe this technology alone will clean up the streets.

Check out this video of a kid on “nitrous.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVJDe5q5eh8