After creating the fortune cookie, it's no wonder why the Chinese decided to forgo their pursuit of developing desserts. As a culinary creation, the fortune cookie is a complete failure. As I see it, these are the requirements for a decent cookie.

1. Sweet
2. Fattening
3. Tasty
4. A perfect complement to milk
5. Biodegradable

The fortune cookie does not come close to satisfying one of these conditions. When I bite into a cookie I hope the inside is filled with gooey dough and chocolate, not paper, ink, or clairvoyance. The taste of a fortune cookie most closely resembles crunchy styrofoam and the Chinese seem to think its perfect complement is oranges. If you do the research you'll discover that fortune cookies actually have a half-life close to plutonium's. It's legitimately hard to make something that is mostly filled with air be less healthy to consume than cardboard, but the Chinese are that bad at cookies. It's no wonder why Santa Claus passes over their entire country on Christmas Eve.

I really think the Chinese just put too much thought into their cookie (pun intended). Creators of the traditional cookie decided to utilize the classic circle as its shape. For the fortune cookie, one must have passed Calculus III to successfully name its shape.

I'm convinced the fortune cookie has some mystical power over mankind. Even from an economic perspective, the fortune cookie is a complete anomaly. No one would ever voluntarily buy any amount of them, that's why they aren't sold in retail, or even sold at all. There is no other product in the world that despite being free, has absolutely zero demand, and yet, is supplied by the millions in restaraunts around the globe.

The fortune cookie is the charlatan of the cookie world, preying on people's hopes and fears in order to trick the world into acceptance. For some reason, the promise of one's fortune drives people crazy enough to actually be enthusiastic about this awful "cookie" at the end of the meal. And for what? The last time I was suckered into the mystical allure of a fortune cookie, the paper read, "You chose the wrong cookie." The little shit mocked my luck then refused to fully decay in my stomach for 32,000 years.

Obviously, the fortune cookie has not thrived based on its culinary merit alone. But what is it that makes the crappy cookie appear qualified to tell the future and why do we keep coming back for more? Is it the adrenaline rush one gets when they feel chance meet destiny while one chooses which cookie is theirs? Or is it the blatantly ambiguous sayings that could apply to anyone but still appear individually customized? No. It must be because we realize the cookies know something we don't know, and they feed off this to provide legitamacy to their fortune telling scam. After all, how can a piece of paper be placed within its sealed edges without cooking into the dough? The existence of the fortune cookie must be the 8th Wonder of the Modern World. Its existence and wild success are equivalent to the mystery of Stonehenge, and as unsolvable as the question posed by Tootsie Roll Pops, but personally, I am satisfied that the world may never know.