"Don't worry, it's just my gun."

Now that 24 is back in full force, we’ll be reliving the previous night’s episode every week here at “What the Kids are Watching.” Jack is still embedded in a terrorist cell with frienemy Tony Almeida, and the end was so controversial and confusing, people are still scratching their heads today.

(intro)
Race Bannon: Alright, I was pleasantly surprised with last week, and hopefully we can stay bomb free this time around.
Roomate: One can only hope. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to adjust to going week to week though after that delicious four hour premiere.
RB: Don’t say delicious, and you groan about that every year, but you always watch.
RM: Yeah.
RB: And at least we have Tivo so we don’t have to watch any commercials.
RM: Oh yeah, then wait, why are we starting it now?
RB: **** you’re right.

(twenty minutes later)
RB: OK let’s do it.

(African dude is trapped in panic room)
RM: This is like the fifty-eighth thing that 24 has stolen from a movie in the first five episodes.
RB: Yeah but it’s better because Jodie Foster isn’t here.
RM: Oh look at that, Jack can get them out in under ten minutes flat. Worst panic room ever.
RB: It’s bullet-proof and bomb-proof, but not Bauer-proof!
RM: I hate you.

(Billy Walsh is cheating on his wife with obscure blonde chick)
RB: Oh no! Wait, why do we care?
RM: So we know he’s a dick.
RB: We already know that.
RM: True. Blonde chick must be the spy. Why else would they make her relevant?
RB: No! They just want you to think that, Billy is the spy!
RM: What’s his actual name on the show?
RB: I have no idea.

(Secret Service Chad Michael Murray-looking dude betrays the First Gentleman)
RB: Whoa! I surprisingly did not see that coming. I knew I liked this guy for a reason
RM: Yeah, let’s just hope he stays alive more than four episodes.
RB: Well I think Jack is on the other side of the country at the moment, so that seems fairly likely.
RM: Jack Bauer can kill you with his mind from across and ocean if he wanted to.
RB: No Chuck Norris-isms please. That died two years ago.
RM: OK Mr. “the panic room wasn’t Bauer-proof.”
RB: Shut up.

(Hot FBI chick gets fake shot then fake buried alive with a fake silent clock)
RM: What? A silent clock? Are they seriously expecting us to believe she’s dead?
RB: She has three inches of dirt and a tarp on her with a small cut on her neck. She’s going to get up approximately one minute after they leave.
RM: Either A) that was the worst set up death in 24 history or B) they just completely desecrated the silent clock.
RB: I’m leaning towards B. 24 loves shock tactics.
RM: That’s bullsh*t.

Yeah, what the hell? That ending was abominable, and there’s really no good way out of it. 24 knows how to fake death exceptionally well (Nina, Tony..sort of), so this was kind of a jumble**** of an ending. We’ll see if hot FBI chick (her official name on IMDB) zombies her way out of her shallow grave next week.