Michael Phels is breaking world records by the day and racking in gold medals by the armful, but seriously America- get over Phelps fever.

Five reasons to stop caring
1. He’s a “butherface”. I will admit, his abs of steal and toned arms made me swoon, but the second he gets out of the water and shows off the Dumbo ears- I was over it.
2. He’s a drunk driver. In 2004, Michael received his first DUI at the young age of 19.
3. We’ve seen the freak on the AT&T commercial and don’t want to be her.
4. He’s a genetic freak. Phelps has a superhuman body and eats 12,000 calories a day. That’s not normal.

5. He’s a jerk who can swim fast. Maybe his skills will become more practical when we melt the polar ice caps and flood the world.