The U.S. News and World Report has ranked Penn Number 5 on its 2008 listing of top colleges in the country.

The Fighting Quakers came in at a tie with the California Institute of Technology, and is still outranked by Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. 

Still, though, what other college can claim to be in the smack-dab in the middle of a vibrant crime zone, with unsolved gunshots, bed-wetting sorostitutes, MTV celebrities, and, lest we forget, our best alum ever, SCHATAR?

Not Princeton, dear readers. Not Princeton.