“Oh, so nice of you all to visit. Here, let me get you a chair. Oh wait…. I forgot. My chair was swept up with all of my belongings in the largest rain storm in recent memory! Here’s a life vest instead! Tea anybody?”

Yep, FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency), the same people that brought you 2005’s international hit, Hurricane Katrina, are back at it again. And this time, they’ve come to knock on doors in Dane County and tell us how much property damage we’ve amassed.

Members of FEMA recently stopped by 13 local homes to assess the damage of the recent flooding, which left Lake Mendota 0.03 feet below its all-time record high for sea level.

According to them, we’ve been blessed with enough property damage ($3.5 million) to qualify for federal funding to repair the damage. Too bad whoever Karl Rove II will be will most likely look to see Dane County overwhelmingly opposed the gay marriage amendment of 2006, subsequently pushing us to the end of the White House’s agenda.