You know, the fine folks at Facebook have been making some really smart adjustments to their now famous online bastion of social networking.  I have to hand it to them; allowing private hands to mold their product through the Facebook applications system has moved the website in a direction I couldn’t have imagined.  Now users can select their most favoritest of friends with the “Top Friends” application and rate their hotness level with the “HOT or NOT” application.  Amazing!

That said, I don’t think these hundreds of Facebook innovators have used their new powers to their full potential.  If only I were Facebook code savvy…I have a few innovations of my own that I’d like to see implemented.  Check these babies out:

“DAMN You’re Ugly!”© 

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Oh. My. God.  That girl over there is wearing Uggs and a mini skirt and aviator sunglasses.  I wish there was some outlet for me to privately express my distaste for her appearance”?  If so, the “DAMN You’re Ugly!” application is for you!  It’s your one-stop shop for superficial judgments and narcissism supplementation!

“You Wanna Have Sex?”©

Is designating your sexual interests as “anything I can get” just not bringing home the bacon and/or eggs?  Are you too afraid to pop the question with your significantly more attractive other?  Well, the “You Wanna Have Sex?” application may be the answer to your prayers!  With it you can list your top candidates for casual sex.  Invite your friends and see how your lists match up!  Who knows, maybe some magic will happen!

“You’re Not One of My Favorite Friends!”©

Are you exhausted of having to deal with clingy friends who think they’re your best bud when actually you’d love for their skulls to be inverted?  The “You’re Not One of My Favorite Friends!” application can help!  With this application you choose your top friends and thus subtly communicate to your other friends that they're really not…what’s that?  This has already been done?  Dammit…I need to learn this code soon; all of the good ideas are being taken up!

I mean, wouldn’t you like to see stuff like this on Facebook?  It is a social utility that connects you to people around you, after all.  Shouldn't we try to make it as elitist and exclusionary as possible?