With the Olympics approaching, all thoughts should be of crowning moments of glory, but instead the world’s attention has been turned to drugs and scandal. When athletes test positive for doping, the whole nation feels duped.
 

But, although we may shake our heads in disappointment at these disgraced Olympians, every college student knows someone who’s used a “totally foolproof method, dude” to get out of a drug test, either for a job, internship or athletic program.
 

In that vein, a researcher at the University of Texas is now making a surprising claim: that drug tests for athletes are worthless. That’s because, he says, “Cheaters evade detection, innocents are falsely accused, and sport is ultimately suffering.”
 

In the spirit of if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them, here are a few methods for evading detection yourself:
 

• Hair tests are not as common as urine tests and they are a little more difficult to trick, but it is possible. UltraClean Hair Shampoo, for example, supposedly hides traces of marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines, methamphetamines and opiates. Keep in mind that the shampoo must be used on the day of your testing in order to be effective.
• Urine Luck is a chemical solution that claims to be completely undetectable. When added to your specimen the two small vials destroy metabolites in the urine to pass a nicotine test. As their motto says, “Don’t Let Your Job Go Up In Smoke.”
• If using your own urine seems too risky, Ultra Pure will ease your drug-test woes for only $35. The synthetic urine is premixed laboratory urine and it’s unisex so a male or female can use it without a problem. The hard part will be sneaking it into the test.
• Forget using your own God-given parts at all and turn to The Whizzinator. The kit comes complete with dried urine and a syringe, heater packs to keep the urine at body temperature, and a fake penis available in several different skin tones (white, tan, Latino, brown and black). Actor Tom Sizemore popularized this method when he was caught with the device.
• Despite all these fancy products, many people rely on the most basic tried-and-true method of drinking water, lots and lots of water. If you drink at least one gallon of H20 before a drug test, your urine will be diluted and the drugs may become undetectable.