Mario-the-plumber!

Ever since the third debate where John McCain gave birth to the little plumber that could, Joe-the-Plumber has been tossed into the election spotlight. As previously noted in other OTR articles, the titillated plumber didn't turn out to be exactly who he claims to be. So why is the McCain campaign still talking about Joe-the-Plumber and how much of a shaft he'd get under an Obama presidency? Shouldn't the McCain campaign be talking about a real plumber that can handle the spotlight? The answer to that question is an obvious yes, but who can they expect to step up to the plate for the McCain campaign? Tired of my string of rhetorical questions? Of course you are! So I'll just come out and say it. Mario-the-Plumber should become the new image of the McCain campaign. Personally, I can't believe McCain hadn't thought of this before, but fear not Senator, I'm here to save the day.

Senator, whenever you talk about Joe-the-Plumber, it gives those Hollywood-elitist-liberals a chance to go on MSNBC and talk about how the so called plumber in fact isn't a licensed plumber and won't even be starting a business that would fall into the $250,000 bracket that would get taxes raised under Obama's plan. But if you start referencing Mario, the liberals can't refute you, because he's fictional! And we all know how much you love fictional connections to Obama! Here's a gem you could try out at your next rally.

McCain: Who's going to help Mario-the-Plumber escape the clutches of an evil, giant lizard? Certainly not Senator Obama's tax plan!

McCain crowd: Yeah! John McCain! John McCain! Obama's a terrori-

McCain: No, no, no.... No... He's a decent human being.

McCain crowd: Boooooooo!!!

McCain: But I'll tell you what I do know about Senator Obama. I know that when Mario-the-Plumber goes to save the Princess from the evil Bowser, which is a pretty obvious metaphor to America being saved from the clutches of terrorism and higher taxes, Senator Obama is going to tax his small business and Mario won't be able to afford his ridiculous exploits! My friends, I will not allow Senator Obama to raise Mario's taxes. We will succeed in the war in the Mushroom Kingdom, grab victory from the jaws of Bowser and bring our toads home with honor!

That's just a taste of what you could use, Senator. And if you're worried that this strategy might come off as ridiculous, well then I'll put your mind at ease.

1. Connecting Senator Obama to William Ayers: RIDICULOUS

2. Calling Senator Obama a socialist: RIDICULOUS

3. Making Senator Obama the villain of Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom: Third time's the charm!