If you see a tuxedo shirt wearing tool cruising past you on a tiny scooter, cut the guy some slack.

It's the uniform of Bender Defenders drivers, who transport the inebriated masses and their cars home to help squiffy bar patrons avoid drunk driving, and having to leave their vehicle behind.  The toolish attire makes it easier to recognize them.

Call 'em at 608-442-7448 (that's 608-442-SH*T, as in sh*t-faced, or oh sh*t, how do I get home?) and a driver arrives on an amusingly small scooter, folds it up and puts it in your trunk (in a case), drives you home, and hops back on the scooter and into the night.  Godspeed on that miniature scooter, don't they know how many drunk drivers are on the road? 

Prices vary depending on distance traveled and availability, but expect to pay a $15 base charge and an additional $2 per mile.  Not too bad if there's a few riders.