Cornell's football team, that rallying spirit around which we all rally our spirits, is speculated to be the 5th best team in the Ivy League!!!1 Woohoo!  Sadly, there are only 8 teams in this sad, sad, sad (sad³) football league.

To any football players who may read this, who are invariably larger than myself, I apologize, but the truth is that I don't really care for not-so-good college football.  And that's your fault.  It's not me; it's not you; it's your poor play and poor competition.

On the bright side, Cornell football has finished in the top 4 (yay for the top 50% and mediocrity!) for the past 3 season and only once in those 3 was the team predicted to finish the median.  So don't give up hope yet, give it up after the season.

Seriously though, football players, I'm sorry.