Whether you are feeling frisky during finals or looking to make moves during midterms, there are plenty of sexual & scandalous places for you to get down at the U-dub. These places were made for you to get laid & all you have to do is ditch the book bag and replace your term paper for a partner. Now that’s what I call making use of your campus.

The Top 10 Places to Get It On at UW:

1. The Stacks at Memorial Library. Avoid the automated ones that could potentially smother you and you’ve got yourself an ideal location. Beware of people telling you to “shh” and those who do actually get books from the stacks. Who knew?

2. In a canoe at the Terrace. By the time it starts getting cold and the crew team hasn’t started practicing, the canoes are all about the Y-O-U. These canoes are a perfect place to get down for those who are less aquatic than others. Canoes on land = no need to balance or paddle, which means you might actually have to look at the person you are hooking up with.

3. In a bathroom at a football game. You know the cheer ‘1st & 10 Wisconsin!”? This cheer is your queue to make a hot dog break and hit the stalls with your partner of choice. Believe me; no one will ever notice you were gone, that is, unless the ball was intercepted. In that case, throw some mustard on your face from the condiment stand and act really upset. Gets them ever time.

4. The Gym. Sweat baby sweat. Who needs the elliptical when you can easily do your own form of exercise in the locker room?

5. Pizza Di Roma. Friday Night, 2 AM, line out the door. This is your time to shine, and by shine, I mean turning off the lights in the one person bathroom stall. You may get drunken bastards banging the door down, but they will eventually give up. Or Puke. Either, or.

6. Statesider. For all you freshmen out there who battle the wretchedness of a roommate, this is your only chance to bring someone back with you; or at least tell them to come up a floor. Either way, there’s the cafeteria, the lobby bathroom, the gym and the tanning bed. Decisions, decisions!

7. The Dells water slide. As touristy and freaky as it may be, they do have the best indoor water slides known to this cheese state. Talk about getting wet and wild.

8. The Capital Building. Two words: Cold Marble. Think about it.

9. On the Frozen Lake. Sure his balls may fall off and you may have to be hospitalized for a case of frozen nipples, but no one in their right mind would ever be out there; take about seclusion. And when your parents asked how you got frost bite on the privates, just say you were ice fishing and you slipped.

10. Now this is for the bravest of the brave. When you have done everything on this list and say to yourself, “amateurs,” do what your fellow citizens would want you to do. Climb Bascom, jump on Lincoln’s lap with your lover, and show all the kids walking up the hill what you’ve got. They might get disgusted or just be jealous that they can barely walk up the hill, let alone do it on a monument.

So here are a few ways to spice up your Sconnie life. If you decide to be the daredevil and try these hilarious hookup spots, best of luck not getting caught. And if you do; don’t say I didn’t warn you…