“Stop dancing with your girlfriend & come dance with me
Stop talking about your boyfriend since he is not me
Stop running up my tab cause these drinks are not free
You drunk & hot girl”
Kanye West (Drunk & Hot Girls)

There is nothing like a night out in Madison with all your friends, hitting the bars until 2 A.M. And if drinking with your friends isn’t enough, it’s always fun to spot the drunken girl hanging all over some guy or the belligerent bimbo mid-puke all over her 4 inch heels. Spotting drunken girls throughout the bars and wobbling down State Street never really seems to get old. But if you are having trouble spotting who is drunk and who isn’t, here are a few ways that can help you detect a GUI (Girl Under the Influence).

1. The drunker the girl, the more likely they are to have a meltdown in the bar about absolutely nothing. Tears, sniffles and whimpers are usually a true sign that a girl has had too much to drink.

2. By the end of the night, the drunkest girl usually looks a lot different then she did when she first walked in. Smudged black eyeliner and mascara usually means that this little drunkie has either been laughing too hard or crying too much due to excess liquor in her system.

3. Any drunken girl will tell you that the heels that didn’t hurt her feet when she first arrived hurt her feet now. All of their views about not walking barefoot on State Street go out the window when they rip those puppies off and decide to go Fred Flintstone on us during the walk home.

4. If a girl goes out with a mission to get drunk, her mission is usually a successful one. A girl who has had too much to drink usually believes in the double fisting method, taking sips from different drinks at the same time. Why not kill two birds with one stone?

5. The drunken girl who has been counting calories all week all of a sudden wants Ian’s pizza or Taco bell for late night. Though we can’t guarantee that the food will actually make it to their mouths, we can guarantee that they will most likely start a fight with a bum on line just to make sure she gets to order.

6. No, she didn’t fall asleep. Drunken girls tend to pull Celine Dion moments as they slowly close their eyes mid conversation. We know ladies; it’s been a rough night.

7. When the pros turn up at the bars, you know they are ready to drink. Drunken girls who know their Patron from their Cuervo tend to get so blackout that they get really close to your face to have a conversation as they utter words that most certainly do not sound like English.

8. Whether it’s Britney or the Backstreet Boys, drunken girls love ANY song that the DJ is playing, and she can prove it by flailing her arms in the air and attempting to get low to the ground without tumbling over.

9. Your 100 pound drunken friend all of a sudden wants to kick some ass. Drunken girls suddenly think they are Tyson and want to fight anyone at anytime.

10. Liquored up ladies love to chain smoke even if they haven’t a clue what they are doing. Drunken girls hit the patio, even in the snow, to stumble with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in another.

Now don’t get me wrong ladies, we are all victims of the drinking bug and most likely can plead guilty to many of these wrongdoings. Unfortunately for us, getting wasted doesn’t usually end up in our favor, either by horrifying posted pictures on facebook the next morning or simply looking in the mirror at last nights debauchery. So the next time you are out at a bar, make sure you don’t follow ALL of these drunken rules, because even though we love the Kanye song, the last thing you would want is people to think he was writing it about you.