Harry Swartz, a professor at Maryland, really loves his strawberries. No, I mean he REALLY LOVES them. He’s been searching most of his life for the perfect strawberry, the kind of strawberry that will hug him and hold him at night, and look at him when they’re making love together.

Well, maybe not exactly that but Swartz really does love his strawberries. And after searching for years for the perfect one he thinks he found it. Really? You’ve been searching for years for a perfect strawberry? These are the kind of projects our college is funding??