We’ve all seen that guy get wasted and think it would be a good idea to smack the nearest other guy upside the head. Good times, right? A necessary source of entertainment for all passersby, yes?

Well, according to the Madison police (who claim logic as the source of their justification), more liquor licenses in the downtown area would only increase violence in the city. Forgetting the simple idea that causation is not the same thing as correlation, the police used stats to show an increase in liquor licenses in recent years, along with an increase in downtown violence.

Everyone seems to forget, however, that there is typically a 21,390,812,903 to 1 ratio of people walking arm in arm and slurring “I love you bro” to those beating on each other. But with Field of Dreams logic in mind, one must remember that If you take away their liquor licenses, they will go elsewhere and get smashed (insert epic James Earl Jones voice).