Do not shake hands with Emily Houlter.  Ever.

In today's Daily Cardinal, Ms. Houlter advocates gettin' dirty...like with real dirt.
Let's forget the flawed logic, and just dive right in:
 
"Luckily the solution to this problem is quite simple. We all need to become dirtier human beings. Now that is not to say we should not wash our hands after working with dangerous chemicals. (Oh good, because I was wondering...)  Special care should still be taken around those vulnerable to deadly infections, but everyone else needs to lighten up on the soap.

This may be a difficult adjustment for some people. After all, people have become accustomed to wiping down their machines at the gym, storing hand sanitizer in their backpack and washing their hands after every single sneeze.  (Please continue these endeavors.  Much appreciated.)

Again, I am not implying that all these activities should cease. But people should choose their germy battles carefully. Imagine the money that would be saved if homes and businesses purchased less soap, not to mention the waste which would not be produced and dumped into the environment.

So I say go ahead and eat dinner without washing up first. Shake hands with strangers on the street and do not wipe your hand afterward. Or, if you are really daring, do absolutely nothing after sneezing. Not only is it liberating (slash disgusting), it is actually good for the body. Go ahead and become a dirty kid.

The next time you see someone leave the restroom without washing his or her hands, do not berate them. Just remember he or she may end up being healthier in the end."
 
Gross? check.  Irrelevant? check.

I'll say one thing, she's got a large set of figurative balls to publish something so disgusting.  Props to that, I guess?