Good news for those who carry their cell phones in their pockets at all times and rest them on the ledge of the communal shower: your freakishly obsessive behavior will not result in more calls from nonexistent friends, however, it may save your life.

In addition to the foreboding emails we recieve from VUPD whenever there is a crime alert (ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS: ANOTHER FEMALE STUDENT RAPED BEHIND THE STEVENSON CENTER LAST NIGHT. IT HAS NOT YET OCCURED TO FEMALE STUDENTS TO TAKE ALTERNATIVE ROUTES WHEN WALKING UNESCORTED AT 2AM), we will also be recieving a campus-wide text message warning us of suspicious characters or occurences on campus.

In addition to having virtually no purpose but to spread unnecessary panic every time a shady looking minority steps foot in Rand, these new security measures will certainly provide an array of new April Fools Jokes (dibs on breaking into the phone number database to text "Osama Bin Laden spotted in Branscomb" to the entire freshman class.)