So let's check in on exactly what those cutting edge researchers are doing in Gates. Reinventing the internet? Building Terminators? Looking at pr0n?

No, they're just making a completely unbeatable checkers program. This took 18 years. Supposedly it's useful for something besides checkers. Perhaps King's Court. It seems pretty useful for holding on to an associate professorship, eh?

A rep from the American Checkers Foundation -- probably being interviewed in his mom's basement -- had this to say:

In some sense, it's not interesting. People play games for fun, and knowing you can never beat it isn't fun.

Translation: those smart-ass computer people are spoiling my Saturday night entertainment, and I'm not going to acknowledge that this was maybe actually kind of hard.

Still...checkers? Really? Who knew 8 year olds were handing out grants?