An article in our fine student newspaper advises new students to pick up a few new vocabulary words as they begin their stay at Pitt. The 865 words of this time wasting article includes the idiotic and inaccurate definition of a “yinzer,” as well as the author’s (Lewis Lehe) exaggeration of the use of “bro.” Everyone here is not a steel worker or a frat boy, Lewis. I’m sorry we all can’t “make music and movies with socialist undertones” or quote famous douches like Sir Winston Churchill, Henry Kissinger or Lewis’ mom in our Facebook profile.

That picture says it all.

So in my attempt to better all of you out there, I have come up with a list of vocabulary words that may actually be useful to freshman at Pitt.

Bus Lane – It will kill at least one of you after you get drunk on Vladi in your Towers dorm room and head to Dithridge Street, walking up and down the street until one of you is brave enough to actually go into a party, which won’t happen so you’ll all walk back to Towers and while crossing 5th avenue, at least one of you will get hit by the 61C.

No, seriously. 

There, I just saved a life in only 200 words. Tell your mom’s (Lewis’ excluding) to thank me later.