UCSB’s five Nobel Laureates have accomplished a lot for the academic community, but best of all they give you something to tell people who dismiss UCSB as nothing but a party school. Finn E. Kydland, David J. Gross, Alan J. Heeger, Herbert Kroemer and Walter Kohn give your college legitimacy, without you having to lift a finger! Their web page is a great resource that ensures you’ll be ready with a defense the next time Uncle Bill implies that UCSB is full of nothing but surfers, alcoholics and alcoholic surfers.

Remember to get really specific: it’s great to know that Kroemer won his Nobel Prize in Physics, but if you mention that he received it “for developing semiconductor heterostructures used in high-speed and opto-electronics,” it will really drive the point home. The website lists these specifics in “please take our institution seriously” italics, so they’re easy to find. Also, if you can find a way to actually say them in italics, you should definitely do so.

You might even become a Nobel Laureate yourself, in that you’ll be taking no bull from anyone! HA! See what I did there? Wait, it's pronounced "no-bell"? Never mind.