I thought Soulja Boy was fifteen, but the omniscience that is Wikipedia says he turned eighteen this year. Whoopee! Scratch tickets! No seriously, he can gamble fo reelz. See! He’s playing poker!

He wants shorty to be his wifey too now that he’s a big boy. He asks her to kiss him through the phone because he’s all about waiting until marriage to have phone sex.

One of the potential wives is so diligent she even kisses him through the phone while on the treadmill. The coordination! The athleticism! The music video glory!