Anyone who's ever actually had sex probably knows Cosmo's sex tips are terrible. Sometimes it's not even that they're terrible... they're just downright bizarre. And yet every month they rewrite them, repackage them and re-promote them... and silly girls eat it up.

So if you ever bring a girl home from the bars drunk and excited to make bad decisions and she pulls out a Dunkin Donuts bag - beware. She's a Cosmo girl and you're about to pay for it. What else do you expect when the magazine (and website) dishes out dirt like these 10 Terrible Sex Tips**:

10. Cup his hand against your mouth, and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his palm. Mmm hand sex.

9. Have me lie on my stomach, then wet the skin below my butt with your tongue. Blow on it. Mmm wet butt.

8. The best oral I ever got happened while I was hanging from the chin-up bar I keep in my home gym. The strain in my arms mixed with the bliss I felt below the waist created unbelievable pleasure. Just don't let go.

7. Hot Dog: Before giving him oral sex, position yourself so you're sitting to the side, almost perpendicular to his penis. Cup your hand around his member, creating a "bun" around his "hot dog." Then kiss the part of his penis that's exposed while breathing hard. Your hand will trap your exhalations and make his member feel superhot. With your other hand, work his testicles. He'll think he has died and gone to heaven. Shape aside, hot dogs are just not sexy.

6. My girl held my tongue in place with her teeth during a make-out session while she tickled the tip with her own tongue. Electrifying. Nothing like a good tongue choke-hold.

5. Reach into your panties, then touch my lips with your wetness. To each his own.

4. My girl pretended not to want to kiss me. I had to use my tongue to pry her mouth open passionately. Are you sure she was pretending?

3. Take a sip of hot water - as hot as you can stand - before [performing oral sex] on him. Then, keeping your mouth closed, swish it all around. Ouch.

2. Chill a bunch of marbles in the fridge. Toss them on the bed and make him lie on them while you straddle him. Really ouch.

1. Slip a glazed doughnut around his manhood and nibble it off. Not. Sexy. At. All.
 

** Most of these actually come from Cosmo's 20 Favorite Sex Tips Ever and Sex Tips From Guys so someone somewhere thought they were a good idea.